Hair and There

Strange times indeed, and with that comes anxiety and a renewed focus on things we overlooked in the era now known as "Before". Life is reexamined, even as we slow march our way through routines that bring us comfort. My children valiantly stayed on track with school work and sports, my husband has done the same with work. I've been texting and zooming with friends and trying to keep the house stocked and orderly, though truthfully my husband has been the better "stocker", going to the grocery store more often, and making dinners nightly. I should be so grateful, and yet a cloud follows me, perpetually raining on my mood. I wasn't entirely sure why I have had more trouble coping than my husband and children. Perhaps working from home was novel for him, or my children got a slight respite from high intensity academic and athletic pursuits. Or perhaps they are more stoic, and I am just a crazy emotional mess. Still and all, I am the outlier, part Mrs. Mommy, part Monster Mommy.

In states of clear thinking, I know that my Tiger Mom habits have shifted, leaving me unhinged and more than slightly crazy. Driving 10,000 miles in a week gave me purpose. Researching academic or sports enhancements was the icing on the cake. Weird, no doubt, but when you commit yourself to the arms race of raising children, you commit. Yoga going, Chardonnay drinking, friend seeing pansy I was not. Now... well, I'm drinking a lot of chardonnay, and seeing friends over zoom, and writing letters more than ever. This is the Mrs. Mommy I'm good with.

My unhinged, angry, Monster Mommy, arrives with a vengeance, unfortunately, at least once a day. It's an eruption, unstoppable and downright scary. What brings forth this tsunami of anger, you ask? (You did ask!). This thing that shockingly I never noticed "Before", is vicious, unrelenting, ever present, the number one enemy of the state, on the Moms' FBI most wanted list. It haunts me daily, while I clean bathrooms and common rooms. It grows and spreads more cruelly than COVID-19. It comes from young and old, human and other, and is a the greatest threat for Mom sanity, since the edict was issued that putting your young kids in front of the TV was not educational.

What threatens our collective mom sanity? Hair, I say. Yes, hair.

Not a day goes by when I am not haunted and taunted and otherwise attacked by long strands of someone else's hair. I vacuum, mop, wipe down, spray and scream and yet, they return. Dog hair, teenagers hair, adult hair (they're different), and hair of the hair all conspire to infiltrate floors, tables, corners and baseboards. Sisyphus had it easy with that lame rock. Hair and there, and everywhere! The self soothing trick I revert to, besides wine, is singing to myself, the theme song from the famous Broadway play, "Hair", which debuted in 1967, when long hair was a political statement as much as a fashion choice.

She asks me why, I'm just a hairy guy

I'm hairy noon and night, hair that's a fright

I'm hairy high and low, don't ask me why, Don't know

It's not for lack of bread, like the Grateful Dead

Darlin', give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair

Shining, gleaming, steaming, flaxen, waxen

Give me down to there hair, shoulder length or longer

Here, baby, there, momma, everywhere, daddy, daddy

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair

Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it, my hair

Let it fly in the breeze and get caught in the trees

Give a home to the fleas in my hair

A home for fleas, (yeah) a hive to bees, (yeah) a nest for birds

There ain't no words for the beauty, the splendor, the wonder of my

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair

Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it, my hair

I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy

Ratty, matty, oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming

Streaming, flaxen, waxen, knotted, polka dotted

Twisted, beaded, braided, powdered, flowered and confettied

Bangled, tangled, spangled and spaghettied

They'll be ga ga at the go go when they see me in my toga

My toga made of blond, brilliantined, biblical hair

My hair like Jesus wore it, Hallelujah, I adore it

Hallelujah; Mary loved her son, why don't my mother love me?

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair

Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it, my hair

Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it, my hair

Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it, my hair

Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it, my hair

I love this upbeat, rebel anthem. It gives me purpose while fighting the omnipresence, growing stink pile of waste. Unlike insects, hair performs zero crucial roles in my ecosystem, except to remind me that life moves forward, growing, shedding, and creating unwanted rubbish. If only we could find a way to use it as an energy source.